


Pen Pals

by coffeegoose



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Dex's childhood is not the greatest, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Racism, Light Angst, M/M, Nursey and dex were pen pals as kids, Pen Pals, Samwell Men's Hockey, Slow Burn, but also friends to forgetting each other to enemies to friends to lovers, kid!Dex, kid!Nursey, nurseydex - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2020-05-07 11:18:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19208308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeegoose/pseuds/coffeegoose
Summary: In second grade Derek was assigned a Pen Pal, that boy lives in Maine, and his name is William. over the years they become friends through letters, but one day they lose touch.Will is nervous about writing his pen pal, and finds the whole letter thing odd. his pen pal is named Derek and he lives in NYC.When Nursey arrives at Samwell he recognizes a fire about DexAnd when Dex arrives to Samwell he finds Nursey familiarly passionate.





	1. It's a facade, but then I wrote to you.

**Author's Note:**

> my first series, yay! found a pen pal idea on tumblr and became inspired!  
> as the series goes on please watch the tags for changes on stuff about what characters might face (nothing will be explained in great detailed but certainly addressed.)  
> light mention of homophobia but other than that, nothing crazy.  
> enjoy!

Second grade is something almost every first grader at Derek’s school looks forward to. Not just because you get to study cooler subjects, or because you get a larger cubbie, or even have thirty whole minutes of library time. No, it’s exciting because you get to be assigned to a pen pal!

Derek learned what pen pal’s are a few weeks ago. Apparently, it’s another kid your age and you write letters back and forth to each other. Not only does Derek like writing, he really likes meeting new kids and talking!

Sometimes, Derek gets so distracted by wondering what his pen pal will be like and his teachers scold him for zoning out. He couldn’t care less that teachers yell at him, he’s just so excited!

So when the last day of first grade _finally_ hits, he’s practically jumping for joy. The clock in the corner of the cramped room ticks throughout the day. The kids chatter too loudly. The teacher takes too long to break up distractions. Derek can’t stand it, he just wants to be done with first grade. His chest is tight with excitement and he has a small grin across his face the whole day.

 

“Hey, smile-boy. What’re you thinking about? Some cute chick?” some kid says.

“Um, no.” Derek shys away. “I’m just excited because next year, we get our pen pals.”

“You’re really excited about that stupid thing? You’ll probably get paired with another weirdo like you; some weird flower-liking, boy-liking idiot.” says the kid.

 

Derek doesn’t fully know what the bully is saying about “boy-liking” and why he says it so harshly, but he does understand it’s meant to hurt. What’s wrong with liking boys? His moms like girls, so why is this any different? Thoughts cram into Derek’s head about his pen pal being rude like this, not wanting to talk to him, or finding him weird.

Derek goes home and cries to his moms. He’s not excited to have a pen pal anymore.

 

**_________**

 

The beginning of second grade starts with a bang. Derek makes friends, pretends the jokes they make arent mean, and keeps his chill. He’s been making good grades so far and he is starting to become popular. Derek feels good about this year. Excitement crawls across his skin but he hides it behind a facade of relaxation. Like butter making gross food better, simply cause it’s butter.

Then, while he’s sitting in his writing class, trying to be comfortable in those stupid plastic chairs, his teacher says two words that send shivers down Derek’s spine: “Pen Pals.” Derek hitches on his breath and sends a silent prayer that no one saw that. Terrible memories that he’d try to bury beneath layers of personality start to surface; Derek really doesn’t want to do this.

 

“Sir, do we have to have a pen pal?” Derek asks.

“Yes, it’s apart of your writing grade, and we already talking with your parents to make sure you’re allowed to do this.” he responds.

 

_Great, this is for a grade_ he thinks _now I gotta do it._

 

The teacher explains how to format letters and send them for the duration of class. The ticking of the clock seems to be stunningly slow. It’s annoying. Eventually, the teacher hands each student an individual envelope. On the crisp peace of paper has Derek’s address in clean balck ink on the top left corner. The top left corner has two stamps. Smack-dab in the middle, has another address. Presumably his pen pals. The name reads “William Poindexter”, and apparently, he’s not even from NYC! He’s from Maine, so not even someone close by.

Frustration, embarrassment, and several other negative emotions stir inside Derek. Blood roars in his ears, he really doesn’t want to do this, he almost misses the teacher announcing this weeks homework is writing your first pen pal letter.

For the rest of the day, Derek distracts himself by doodling on extra scraps of paper and making jokes. He just wants to get home and wrap himself in his moms’ arms. Thankfully, the last bell rings and Derek can finally put his school personality into his backpack and pull out his _real_ personality. The one that makes him giggle at stupid jokes, and stan up against racist ones, the one where he can attempt to write meaningful poetry, the kind he gives to his mothers just because he knows they love to read them, the one where he can be himself around the apartment without being judged.

Climbing into the car, the heat is blasting full, warming Derek’s shivering body. The smile he receives from his mama though, melts his heart like hot cocoa melting marshmellows (Derek has written _many_ poems about that).

 

“How was school, Der?” mama asks.

“Fine-” Derek sighs deeply, showing his mama that it wasn’t _actually_ fine. “Just, we got assigned our pen pals today.”

“Oh?”

“Well, mine doesn’t even live here. I’m worried he’s gonna not want to talk to me cause I’m too weird.”

“Honey, he won’t find you weird-you aren’t weird. If anything, he is gonna be just as nervous as you. And it will be cool to know someone from another state!” mama coons. She really does know how to calm Derek’s nerves.

With one last sigh, Derek simply says “Yeah, okay.” and smiles. Maybe it will be ok!

 

**_________**

 

Derek decided to write a little bit about each day for the duration of the week. He would tell William about the silly drawing his art teacher did, or the cool thing he learned in science. Derek would gush about the New York scenery or the fat rat he saw in the subway; he simply hopes that he isn’t writing too much.

The saturday morning rolls around with a lazy sunrise and sleep chirps from the birds outside. One of the only reasons Derek decides to roll out of his cacoon is because on saturdays mom makes breakfast. It’s the whole shabang with pancakes, eggs, fruit, bacon, toast, and juice. So, trading his warm bed for good food, Derek patters out into the kitchen. The tile is chilly beneath his feet and wakes him up instantly.

 

“Hey Der, how’d you sleep baby?” mom says, sliding eggs onto his plate.

Derek only grumples a reply he hopes sounds positive enough.

“This afternoon is going to be nice, I was thinking we could head over to the post office and send out Williams letter? Do you have everything written that you want in there?”

Derek stews over moms question, making sure he wrote everything down. Something scratches the back of his brain when- “OH! I should write facts about myself!”

 

He gobbles down the rest of the breakfast layed out in front of him before racing off to his desk. There, he finds the letter, already a couple pages long, and thumbs over to the back where open space is available. The paper is kind of crinkled and smudged with led. Oops.

 

Here, Derek lists the facts he finds most important about himself. His _real self._

 

  1. _I play hockey. Defense._
  2. _I like writing poetry. Mainly for my moms so I can see them smile._
  3. _Curry is my favorite food. Except for if my mom makes pancakes._
  4. _I want to be a writer one day or play in the NHL._
  5. _I like flowers._
  6. _My favorite number is 28. And no, it is not weird to have a favorite number._
  7. _I’m part black. Only related to one of my moms._



 

_P.S. sorry if this is too long to read._

 

Derek folds the already crinkled paper and shoves into the envelope, sealing it tight. They walk it to the post office that afternoon, and mail it off to Maine.

 


	2. At first I was scared, but now I'm overjoyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex writes and receives his first letter and he finds out he might enjoy this a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of parents yelling but nothing more than that. again, just keep watching the tags.  
> thought it would be good to get a Nursey AND Dex POV out right away to start things off!  
> enjoy!

At first, Will wasn’t too sure about this whole letter writing shindig. Writing letters was for girls, not boys. However, his teachers were saying how writing letters will be a good life skill and Will decided to at least _give it a try_. Will is constantly learning life skills.

And it’s not as embarrassing when all the other boys have to write to their pen pals too. So Will sucks it up, and writes his letter to some random boy named Derek. Derek lives in NYC and probably has a lot of money.

The thing is, Will is terrible with words. Writing has always been his worst class because of this, so to write a letter for a grade, Will thinks he’s doomed. Hopefully is mom will have useful ideas about what Will should say. He needs good ideas and fast, because their first letter needs to be sent out by the end of the week. 

Will goes about his day in military routine. Get to class, do the work the teacher tells them to, eat lunch and run around the park once, class, home, dinner, bed. Frustratingly though, the day seems to drag. There’s a lot of stuff for a second grader to remember and if your brain is foggy, there’s no way you’ll get good grades.

Will finishes school eventually. The drive home is quiet because Will simply doesn’t feel like answering questions. 

When Will and his dad arrive home, dinner is just then being prepared. From the looks of it, it’s going to be hamburgers, corn on the cob, and potatoes. Wills favorite. (it’s almost as if his mom can sense when Will needs things). The kitchen is full of familiar sounds. Drawers opening and closing, pans clanking, stoves turning on.

 

“Will, honey, do you wanna come help me in the kitchen?” his mom smiles.

“Yes!” Will adores cooking with his mom.

 

The stress of the day melts like the cheese on top of the burgers. Hip bumps and nose bops speak more than words. Each cob tastes of delicate work and love, the potatoes rich with understanding, and every burger cooked perfectly to reflect hard work. Will is extremely pleased. _Nothing’s better than cooking with mom_ Will muses.

The family eats dinner in peace.

The peace doesn’t last long. Papa is yelling drunkly at mom again. Will shoves his head under the pillow hoping to block the fighting out. Eventually he falls asleep.

 

**_________**

 

The rest of the week flies by in a blur. The fights have started to get louder, Will is hopeful they’ll stop soon. He’s been so tired lately.

It’s friday night when his mom asks “Honey, I forgot to ask earlier this week, do you have any homework?”

Wills eyes go wide with realization. “Oh no. Mom, I had to write to my pen pal this week.” He’s frozen stiff, worried. After explaining to his mom that, yes it is in fact already due, he hurries over to the dining room table clutching a half-sharpened pencil and a few sheets of paper.

His mom sits down next to Will at some point. He’s been staring at the paper, tapping his pencil against the table, hoping it’ll inspire some words.

 

“How ‘bout you start with some facts about yourself? And then talk about school, and what you learned in class.” his mom suggests.

“Okay…” Will squeaks.

 

The scribbling of the pencil eventually steadies into a constant pattern as Will thinks about what to write. He mentions how he is enjoying science class, that he enjoys history too. He talks about being the tallest in his class, and how writing class is hard for him (that this letter was difficult to write). By now, Will’s mom has sat down on the couch again.

Before Will forgets, cause he forgot at the beginning of the letter, he lists some facts about himself.

 

  1. _I play hockey, defense, it’s my favorite sport_
  2. _I have bright red hair_
  3. _Cooking with my mom is one of my favorite things to do_
  4. _Im bad at writing so sorry about this letter_
  5. _I like lobsters and hope to work on my uncles boat starting soon!_
  6. _I wanna play in the NHL (national hockey league incase you don’t know)_
  7. _Computers are cool to me_



 

_P.S. again, really sorry about my bad writing talents._

 

The letter is sealed in its envelope, and sent off the next morning. Will doesn’t sleep that night, not because of a fight, but because he’s actually _kind of excited_ for his letter.

 

**________**

 

It’s been a week since Will sent his letter to Derek. He’s starting to become a little anxious. Everyday since mailing out the letter, he’s gone out to check the mail. Friday has just hit and Will buzzes through school, hoping the letter will be there in that dusty old mailbox. 

When he gets home, he first has to help cook dinner (breakfast for dinner tonight) before he can go collect the mail. Will is practically bouncing out of his skin, and he tries to hide how excited he is because his siblings have been laughing at him for wanting this letter. 

Finally, dinner is done but then he has to _sit down and eat it_ so the second he’s done scarfing down pancakes and eggs, he races out the door, ignoring his coat.

 

“It’s here!!” he shouts. While racing upstairs to his bed.

The bed squeaks below him and the paper crinkles at he tears open the envelope. Will takes a second to breathe before unfolding the _six pages_ of words. Before he lets his mind spiral into the fact he hardly wrote three pages, he begins reading. Derek writes about school as well. Derek however, goes into more detail and relates jokes he heard, describes the drawing his art teacher drew, and basically he wrote a page for each day of the week.

 

Then, just before he folds the letter, thinking it’s done, he catches a glance of the backside of the last page. It’s facts about Derek. The first one reads

 

  1. _I play hockey. Defense._



 

And Will is _thrilled._ He thinks he says it in his head, but apparently he yelled “He plays hockey too, just like me!” because his mom giggled downstairs. And mom doesn’t giggle.

 

The bottom of the page says “ _P.S. sorry if this is too long to read.”_ but Will wishes there was more, because all of a sudden, he wants to get to know Derek and maybe even be friends (Will doesn’t realize he even wants to be friends, because until now, he’s never had one).

Will wants to write immediately however, his mom tells him it’s time to get ready for bed. He’ll write Derek back tomorrow.

 


	3. Maybe you're my friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nursey begins to tell dex some of the struggles he’s facing. nursey thinks dex might be a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> implied racist slurs and homophobic slurs directed towards nursey. other than that, nothing else.

In the Nurse household, there is a routine. Every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, Derek and his moms would walk to the post office to retrieve any mail they received. 

However, since Derek wrote to William, his moms have mused him and gone to check the mail everyday. It’s been a week and a half since he wrote, and he’s nervous that something went wrong with Williams letter. But on Thursday afternoon Derek trudges through the bitter wind to check the mail. The tiny box squeaks as it opens and the paper slips out of the box without struggle. 

 

“Look, Der! It’s here, Williams letter!” mama announces excitedly. 

Derek squeals and grabs his moms’ hands, dragging them back to the apartment.

 

The paper is weathered and kind of crumpled. It doesn’t bother Derek because hey, his was too. The handwriting is nicer than Dereks, and cleaner than the other second graders Derek knows. William starts with saying “ _ sorry this isn’t very good. Or long.”  _ and Derek enjoys the forwardness. The letter goes on to talk about the classes William enjoys, and that he hates writing class (Derek giggles at that), that he loves science and history, too. The letter isn’t the several Derek wrote, yet the two and a half pages seem to be the perfect way of getting to know William.

In those few pages, Derek has learned that William is straight forward, simple, and-  _ he plays hockey _ . Derek flails off his bed, darting out into the living room.

 

“Mom! Mama! He plays hockey!! He’s defense like me!” Derek shouts.

“Oh, Honey!” they say in unison. “That will be nice to talk about with another friend!”

“AAAAAAAAA” Derek races back to his room and pulls out a notebook to instantly write his next letter.

 

The pencil scratches against the paper as Derek writes about his favorite teams, the upcoming draft, how he might start at his game on Sunday. An entire page and a half is dedicated to hockey ( _ I’ve even wrote poems about how cool hockey is! _ ). The letter starts to fade into his nerves about the game, how he’s going to take a nap before his game, then flows into how he walked to get the mail everyday this week (instead of just Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday). 

_ I love my moms for letting me get the mail everyday. They do a lot for me.  _ Derek scribbles. By now, his hand is cramping and the smells of dinner have alerted Derek to continue writing later. Derek actually does write that he needs to go have dinner (New York pie!) and he’ll continue soon.

 

**_________**

 

Derek skates as fast as he can. He yells across the ice so his partner will pass the puck to him. Derek takes his shot and it goes in! Derek slides onto his knees, cheering. The other teammates on the ice skate over, and pull him into a hug. One of the boys from the other teams passes by and whispers words into Derek’s ear that his moms have told him  _ never _ to say unless yours to say (he didn’t fully understand, when he gets older, he does). The next thing he knows, his d-partner is holding him back while the captain throws a punch at the kid. Derek doesn’t play for the last ten minutes.

When he gets home, after a very somber car ride (despite his goal), his moms sit Derek down, mentioning they have something important to tell him.

 

“Honey, we saw something happen on the ice. Coach said someone said something to you. What happened? Are you okay?” Mom says. 

“Well, he said I don’t belong on the ice because I’m a-” his moms nervous exchange glances “cause of that one word you told me about. I don’t- I’, not exactly sure what that means, just that It hurt and It wasn’t supposed to be nice. Next thing I know, I’m not allowed to play for the rest of the game.” Derek frowns.

“Der, coach kept you out because the other boy. He didn’t want you getting hurt. I’m sorry it has to be this way, baby.” Mama says. She wipes a tear from Derek’s cheek. He didn’t even realize he was crying.

 

The three of them stay there, cuddled up together on the couch, for the rest of the night. Mom makes pancakes, and at least things are a little bit less painful.

 

**_________**

 

Derek doesn’t write until wednesday evening after dinner and homework. He writes  _ sorry it’s been a couple days,  _ As if William is right there. Derek taps his pencil against the paper, deep in thought, leaving little led dots across the top of the page. He’s debating whether or not to tell William ( _ can I call you Will?)  _ about the game on Sunday.

He starts by explaining his goal, how the moments leading up to it felt unreal. He explains that he has the coolest celly on the team (and that he’d practiced to make it perfect). Derek pauses, again. Breath hitched, he decides to tell Will about the fight.

 

_ It’s kinda scary. He said bad things to me because I’m black I guess. My d-partner held me back and then my captain started fighting the dude. He also said bad words about me that because I have two moms. If he had said something about my moms and not about me, I woulda punched him too. _

 

Derek explains the frustrations behind this before abruptly switching to a light topic. Said topic being moms amazing pancakes.

When Derek tells his teacher what this weeks letter is about, he decides to leave out the part about the fight.

A week later, Derek finishes this letter with several more pages. A whole other dedicated to the cool hat trick he’s working on at practice. This week he wrote about the  poem he read, and the new one he’s writing (it’s about NYC’s first snowfall coming later in the week). 

At the very end of the letter he writes

 

_ Fun fact about me: my favorite dessert is anything with cherries or chocolate. _

 

He seals the letter and shakily copies Will’s address on the center, then adds his in the top left corner. Derek double, even triple, checks the addresses (particularly Will’s) making sure they’re correct. He smiles, pleased, and grabs Mama’s hand to drag her to the post office. He’s excited for Will’s next letter. Derek thinks he might be making a good friend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know upates keep coming quickly but when im out of school, my schedule opens up so I have plenty of time to write. thank you to my friends Belle and Cyd who've been super supportive and reading my works, making sure they're ok!


	4. Eventually, I'll trust you with this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will finds a friend in Derek, but cannot tell his parents everything about Derek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things in Dex's family department are gonna start getting pretty heavy so keep that in mind going forward.
> 
> short chapter this time, sorry bout that. continuing forward, i'm planning on longer chapters as im hoping to really expand this AU's universe and study these characters; write scene that hopefully have impact and go through the motions in an a way that's not a bore to read ahah

Only a few more days await before Will is on Christmas break. Cousins and aunts and uncles and grandmas will be together. Pretty much every single Poindexter is going to cram into the house. It’s either going to be amazing or absolutely awful. 

So now, on Thursday evening, he goes on his nightly mail-grabbing adventure. It’s all the typical stuff. Bills the family struggles to pay, local news papers (coupons! score!), and a few christmas cards from friends Will hasn’t seen since he was a baby. At the bottom of the stack though, is Derek’s second letter. It’s slightly damp because snow leaks into the mailbox often (Will is gonna have to seal that up again). 

Will started writing his second letter to Derek almost right away. He started with talking about school some more, than instantly diving into hockey. This letter is already three pages because a solid page and a half is about hockey. He dedicates a paragraph to the Bruins being amazing and how rumors of an expansion in the North East seem to be legit. Will says that his recent game was a win and  _ I may not of scored but I got an assist! _

He decides to finish his letter when Derek’s arrives so he can properly reply to it.

Will’s mom calls from the kitchen where the sound of the microwave beeps. It’s left over food from the previous night. Will patters into the kitchen and sheds his coat. He places the stack of mail on the counter in favor of helping his mom finish setting dinner on the table.

 

“Is your letter from Derek in?” his mom smiles.

“Yeah! I’m going to read it after dinner and start my reply tomorrow. Not tonight, cause the Bruins play, and Derek will understand why I didn’t write back right away.”

“You think he’s watching the game tonight too? The game is against the Islanders.”

“He probably will. It would be kinda funny to watch it at the same time.” Will laughs and quirks his lips, scrunching his nose.

 

His mom muses him saying the entire family can eat in the living room to watch the game. After all, the Poindexters are  _ huge _ Bruins fans.

As the night goes on, cheering gets louder as food is finished (no food in the mouth means easier cheering). Cusses flow from mouths and when the Bruins come out with a win on a beautiful slapshot, the room erupts into incoherent yelling. 

Thankfully, with more family in the house other than Will’s siblings, there isn’t yelling tonight. He cuddles under his blankets, forming a cacoon up to his neck. The sound of the heater humming, and floorboards squeaking under relatives moving about comforts Will to sleep.

 

**_________**

 

_ It’s kinda scary. He said bad things to me because I’m black I guess. My d-partner held me back and then my captain started fighting the dude. He also said bad words about me that because I have two moms. If he had said something about my moms and not about me, I woulda punched him too. _

 

He’s shocked, really. Derek doesn’t seem like one to be a fighter. Will is mistaken. These few sentences alone say several things about Derek. That he is understanding, deeply cares, and is much more passionate for things he finds important, more than any other kid their age. 

Will also notices that Derek uses “moms”, “mom”,  _ and  _ “mama”. Apparently, it wasn’t just a mistake in writing an S to the end of mom or having two names for his mom. Derek  _ actually _ has two moms. Will has heard about two people of the same gender being married, of course. His church mentions often how it’s “gross” and “weird”, that “them gays will go to hell!”. Will doesn’t find it gross or weird, per say. Just- it’s just new to him. It twinges something inside him, he doesn’t know exactly what though (He’ll realize eventually, exactly what he should of known sooner). With Will being Will, he ignores the thought in his mind of how cool it would be to have two moms, and then realizes there’s another important issue Derek mentioned.

He can’t even fathom going through something like being yelled at for being black. Especially only as a second grader. Will doesn’t fully understand what Derek is going through, but he’s upset for him. Will vows to never use the nasty language those bullies used, or what the kids on his team say. He won’t be a nasty person. He’ll use his sharp edges to protect Derek, cause that’s what friends do.

Will won’t tell his parents about Derek’s two moms.

He sets out the letter he’s been writing to Derek. Will wishes he understood more, and could use his words better because writing  _ I’m sorry you had to go through that  _ and  _ I promise to never say those types of things _ doesn’t seem like enough.

After the deep emotional stuff is out of the way (Will breathes in relief), he writes about how Derek’s moms pancakes sound delicious. He asks what a New York pie is, and if it’s any good. 

Will sees that Derek’s favorite dessert is anything cherry or chocolate. Will responds saying his is anything pecan. He then writes another fact about himself. He says  _ I have 6 siblings (I’m the middle child) and too many cousins to count. They are all currently at my house for Christmas break. _

The letter is packaged and placed in the rusty old mailbox that very night.

 

**_________**

 

Christmas comes and goes in a blur. Eventually the extended family trickles out, heading back to their perspective states. Will realizes, with an almost horror, that this means his parents will start yelling again. Before break, the fights were getting worse. Will had began sleeping with his oldest brother Danny; Danny would hug Will tightly in the safety of Danny’s bed, whispering  _ It’s gonna be ok, she’s gonna be ok _ . Will thinks those words were also a mean of Danny comforting himself. 

Will has been trying to resist the urge to go downstairs and stop his father. He’s also had to resist the urge to write Derek about the situation. Because, what’s a boy hundreds of miles away going to do? Will learns this is something he’s gonna have to learn to bottle up (no one should have to go through this, let alone a second grader).

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully I can get a soft chapter in soon? anyways shoutout to my friends Saf, Belle, and Cyd for being my strongest supporters of my writing!


	5. life happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> life happens, and Derek gets caught up in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so there's physical violence in this chapter, and it is written out. also, a short hospital scene. 
> 
> also, peak that up in chapter count ;). sorry this took so incredibly long to get uploaded! like the chapter title, life happens lol. first, I couldn't get my computer to charge, then when it was charged my mental health crashed, then my family got super busy, this chapter is also twice as long as the previous ones so it took longer to write. it led to me having zero writing time! but here it is now, enjoy!

Derek and Will continue writing back and forth the entire summer. It’s easily two letters a month. Derek’s hand doesn’t cramp as easily anymore, and he now has the best handwriting in his class! In each letter traded, they supply new facts about themselves; Derek supposes it’s a way of making their several-state distance, less daunting. 

He’s glad he met Will. They bond over their differences, sharing fractions of their struggles, chirping each others silly summer stories. They talk about everything and it’s a unique experience for Derek. Other than his moms, he hasn’t had people to be himself around. Will lets him rant about the random, insignificant things. Like how New York in summer is buzzing with people, Central Park growing fresh leaves brighter than any green he’s seen before, or the fantastic curry he had last week. 

As young boys, random bickers happen. Mostly over whether NY pie should actually be called “pie” (it should). Derek finds comfort, amusement even, in his friendship with Will. There’s hardly a spare moment where his mouth isn’t full of words about Will.

Summer is coming to an end though, and they’ll be third graders. School, and social life, will become significantly more stressful so Derek’s a little worried he won’t be able to write to Will as much. He shakes that thought off as he ties his shoes, ready to head out on his nightly evening stroll with his moms.

The nightly walks have been nothing shy of charming. Like a scene from a movie, almost. The sun sets beneath the ocean of buildings, dipping into the parks trees. New York sunsets are something special. They work harder than sunsets anywhere else, even though it works to keep such a busy city lit all day. New York sunsets have soft yellows, gentle oranges, pastel reds and pinks, and lavender purples. The pinks fill in the clouds stronger than any of the other colors do, dotting the skyline with natures cotton candy.

Derek doesn’t know if God exists, but if He does, he’s thankful for making NYC’s sunsets so stunning. This city is special in a way that outsiders find intimidating, but natives find relaxing. However, when it comes to the end of the day, walking the park with his moms by his side, Derek likes to think that even a country person could find peace. One day, he hopes to show Will.

 

**_________**

 

By now, most people are not still writing their pen pals. Derek’s fellow classmates wrote no more than two months worth of letters, but he and Will are going on two years now. There was about a month or two where Will was radio silent. Derek doesn’t know why, maybe he was on vacation or something. Other than that, they’ve consistently sent letters to one another. Derek has stored every single one in a shoebox in his closet. Occasionally, when he’s in a bad mood, he takes some of them out of the box and reads them. His personal favorite to read, is the first one. It’s awkward in so many ways; messy writing (compared to what it is now), short sentences which are strictly factual, and the three words that sparked their friendship: _I play hockey._ For some reason, that single phrase feels like everything to Derek.

Will is much more descriptive now. He talks about his day in details that facts alone wouldn’t relay. Like how he successfully baked a pecan cake for the first time, and how he’s teaching his brother how to ride a bike, or how church service and late nights make him uncomfortable. Derek is glad Will has become, even just slightly, more open.

Going into the fourth grade, Derek has learned that mentioning his second grade pen pal doesn’t typically end well. The class bully tosses slurs towards him any chance he gets. He says that Derek will infect him and “that weirdo you still talk to” with his gayness. _I don’t even know if I’m gay yet_ he rants to his moms one day. 

Eventually, Derek stops talking about Will in class and runs the facade of chill and class clown. If people will laugh at him, why not try and at least be funny? Due to his relaxed exterior he collects a few friends. Granted his fake exterior means they’re fake friends, but at this rate, Derek is reaching and grasping for friends, so he’ll take what he can get.

He has a few friends on his hockey team too. Thankfully, they’re much kinder towards him and maybe even see Derek as a true friend. They play good hockey together; this season has been theirs. Derek’s skills have been rapidly improving. Skating isn’t just straight lines anymore, but sharp quick turns and tricky maneuvers. It’s also much faster now, tracking the puck calls for a keen eye and shooting the puck past a goalie takes more than luck. Learning has been fun though, so who’s Derek to complain? 

From what Will has written, he’s been having a wicked season too. They’ve been on a winning streak for several games (Derek knocks on wood) and Will has won several fights. Apparently, Will’s sharp edge has been a saving grace for his team. He’s been aggressive and eager to retrieve the puck. Will now has more goals than assists (which is saying something for a defenseman).

 

Derek is slightly worried for Will though. From the sounds of it, Will’s family situation is kind of sticky. Will had written Derek explaining _I don’t mean to bother you with this-not like you can fix it- but its just hard hearing my parents fight everynight. One day hockey won’t be enough to let out my frustration, and I’m gonna beat him up._ Derek decided not to press more than telling Will he hopes it blows over soon and that he stays safe. If Will wants to talk, he can on his own terms (mama has pressed that letting people talk when they’re ready is important). That doesn’t stop Derek from being scared for Will.

 

One day, Derek explains to his moms in a fit of anxiety that Will is going through this. They simply tell him “It’s gonna be ok, Der. He’s a strong boy.”. Derek thinks they don’t know what to do either.

He does his best to write encouraging words and stay positive. He storms up inspiring poems, suggests books that Will might find helpful and/or enjoyable, and songs that have personally helped Derek. However, Derek sometimes rants about stupid classmates or teams they play. 

Life moves on quickly, though. And Derek continues to write about his mom’s amazing food and the cute little cat named Freddie that they adopted. 

 

**_________**

 

Fourth grade blows over faster than Derek can blink. It’s already the last week of classes. While he’s excited to be out for summer break, frustration settles in; he’s been making good grades in writing class, and his teacher’s compliments and encouragement have been a grounding point for Derek. He’s not selfish or anything, it’s just hearing someone praise the work he so tirelessly wrote inspired Derek to be better, to keep moving onward.

 

“Derek, may I talk with you after class?” his teacher asked. 

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

He saunters into the classroom later that day. Inside, his insides are turning with confusion. Is he in trouble? Derek doesn’t think so, he hasn’t done anything wrong.

 

“Am I in trouble” he rambles out before he can think about what to say. “I’m never called into class after its over.”

“Well, you aren’t in trouble, I can assure you that.” his teachers pauses before continuing “In fact, it’s the opposite. I called you in here today because I want to personally congratulate you on your writing this past year. You’ve blown me away with your stories, but especially by your poetry. Keep it up, Derek and I can tell you’re going to have a bright future.” his teacher smiled up at Derek from where he was sitting behind the desk. 

 

Derek visibly breathed out a sigh of relief, relaxing his shoulders. _I’m not gonna cry, dangit_ he says to himself before telling his teacher “I- thank you, ma’am. I don’t know what to say. Thank you.” he truly doesn’t have words. Derek hardly _ever_ runs out of things to say. In reaction to Derek’s face, his teacher chuckles before dismissing him. Derek feels elated. _Another person likes my work_. (Derek doesn’t know it yet, but his writing would become a large part of his life).

On his way out of the classroom he turns his head one last time to give a smile to his teacher. As Derek swings open the door, stepping out into the hallway, he accidentally bumps into one of the fifth graders. The fifth grader, already large for his age, sizes up in front of Derek. _This dudes huge_ Derek gawks. 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, bro.” he aims for easy, hoping to hide the nerves prickling in the back of his throat. “I didn’t see you, I’ll just get out of your way.” he starts to race off when the boy reaches out, grasping the back of Derek’s shirt. He stops in his tracks to avoid being choked by his shirts collar. 

 

“You aren’t going anywhere until you show some respect. We _are_ older than you.” an evil look crawls onto the boys face. “And, better. We don’t come from a trashy, gross family like yours.”

 

Blood rushes towards Derek’s head so fast, he’s almost dizzy. No one insults his family. The drumming in his ears is too loud to hear the insults the bully is throwing at him, but Derek can read lips just fine. 

People shouldn’t fight, the only place Derek fights is on the ice. And even then, it’s just checking, not actual fighting. By now he knows that arguing back, only digs a deeper hole for him to climb out of. Derek decided to be a pacifist, sue him. 

The bully struggles with Derek trying to squirm away. Derek tries to slip out of his shirt and make a dash for it, however his head gets stuck and he pushes it back into the shirt so he can see. The fifth grader is gripping him hard, nails digging into his biceps. Derek continues struggling, trying to turn around, yelling for help, anything. For a second the boy lets Derek slip, and he turns to run away. Just as he turns his head, the bully throws a fist, catching Derek’s jaw squarely. It knocks Derek back, forcing him to stumble to the ground. Before he stands up, the boy is kicking Derek’s gut causing him to yelp in pain. _How pathetic_ Derek thinks _I can’t even stand up for my family_. He manages to let out one last cry of anger before the bully kicks him on the side of his head.

There’s a few seconds of blurry vision. Derek sees the cold, gray hallways. Smells the sweat from fighting. Feels every scratch, punch, and kick he received in sharp, pulsating beats. Tastes the blood inside his mouth. And, he realizes, he hears his teacher commanding the bully to stand away before she comes over telling Derek _It’s going to be okay, just hold on._

 

His senses fade away, and black envelopes him. 

 

**_________**

 

The sound of steady beeping pulls Derek out of a heavy, groggy sleep. Murmuring buzzes in the back of his brain. It sounds like his moms’ voices. As his hearing begins to clear, Derek’s other senses begin to sharpen as well. Sitting right next to the side of his bed is mama; she’s squeezing his hand, rubbing circles with her thumb. Mom is standing behind her, hands resting on both shoulders of mama. 

Another person is standing in the room. Before Derek even thinks of addressing him, he rolls his head just enough to look his moms’ faces. “Mams?” he slurs. “It hurts.” Derek points out. He doesn’t exactly know what hurts more, he just knows he’s in pain. And a lot of it.

 

“Hey baby, I know it hurts but you’re gonna be okay.” mom smiles warm at him, then brushes a gentle kiss into his curly hair. “You’re being so brave Der-honey, you want to try and drink some water.”

 

Derek can’t muster the energy to speak, so he simply nods his head. His mom slips him a cup of water towards his lips. He takes a few careful sips, swallowing hard. His entire left side of his head is throbbing along with his heartbeat. 

When the last drop of water has been swallowed, the man in the corner steps forward, clearing his throat. He’s tall, well built, dark hair, hazel eyes. When he speaks, his voice is smooth, like melting butter. Or fresh hot cocoa. For some reason it relaxes Derek in a way that the medicine is failing to do. 

 

“Hey, Derek. Sorry we are meeting like this, but I’m a good friend of your parents. I’m also the doctor taking care of you.” his voice is captivating, drawing Derek in and making him feel safe. “We are going to keep you for a few more hours to make sure everything is a-ok. You have a concussion, which means your brain is almost bruised, and your jaw and ribs are severely bruised. You’re lucky nothing more than your nose is _this_ damaged. Unfortunately, you _will_ have to miss out on the remaining month of hockey season.”

While the doctors voice was sweet, and his presence safe, the words felt like poison spewing onto his face. Mama squeezed his hand tighter and mom whispered “It’s gonna be okay.”, but all Derek could do was turn his head away, and silently let the tears drip down his face.

 

**_________**

 

Seeing his team win the season without him playing on the ice stung. The most he could do was sit on the bench alongside his teammates and be emotional support during that final week. He also tried to go to as many practices possible. You can always visually learn. He isn’t bitter about not playing per say, he’s actually ecstatic for his team, he just wishes he had been _apart_ of it too.

During his time off, Derek writes more than he ever has before. From poetry, haikus, and letters to Will, he actually busies himself. He and Will get in three letters during his time off. Apparently, Will’s team crumpled towards the end of the season, and were out for the first round of their tournament. Derek continues to appreciate Will’s honesty; without him telling Derek to be strong and push through, he doubts he’d be up for his first practice back on the ice.

His first day cleared, he drags his moms out to the ice rink. Derek doesn’t put on his gear, just his helmet, and skates laps around the rink, running simple puck and stick drills. 

Before his injury, Derek knew he loved hockey, loved the ice, but getting back on the ice for the first time in what seems like ages, makes Derek realize it feels like home. The way he glides over the ice, the sounds, the smell, the freezing rink. It’s familiar, it’s a home away from home. Emotion swells within Derek’s chest. He doesn’t cry, not this time. This feels like something to keep to himself (he’s also learned not to let his emotions get the best of him).

Derek quickly gets back into the swing of life. He fakes life around school friends, feels alone at home, plays good hockey, and occasionally sends a letter to Will. Life becomes motion by motion. It moves onward, like a train whizzing by, and before you realize that’s the train you needed to be on.

 

**_________**

 

When Derek hits high school, he moves to study at Andover.

 

The last letter he received from Will was winter break of eighth grade. 

All it said was _I’m sorry._

 

Derek hadn’t written to Will consistently for a while before that, life happens. However, it still crushed Derek for reasons he cannot explain; it takes to the _end_ of eighth grade to respond. 

All he manages to say is _It’s okay. Life happens. Hope you’re doin ok._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a huge thank you to my best friend Saf for helping me out on some of this chapter! also a huge thank you to all of the people who've left kudos and comments supporting this!


	6. It Moves Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will goes through the toughest years of his life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy, finally after 21 days of no update, here we are with the LONGEST chapter yet (4,800!). I also, personally, i think this is my best chapter yet!
> 
> warnings for chapter: parent issues, domestic violence, mentions of drinking, use of "pussy" as a slur, homophobia. 
> 
> deep chapter yall, got emotional writing a few scenes aha. also several typos sorry
> 
> enjoy!

In short, third grade is the calm before the storm that’s known as Fourth Grade.

Third grade is simply boring. The only thing that gets him through the year is writing Derek letters. It’s something consistently washing peace over Will; every month, he receives two letters, and writes two in return. Most of the time, the letters are full of hockey talk. Stuff like his stats, the cheap helmet he found, the promise his coaches made him that next year, he can start working at the rink to help cover some costs.

However, one more thing makes third grade bearable, and that’s his mom. Every monday, wednesday, friday, and sunday, Will strides into the kitchen ready to help cook dinner. Typically, he’s in charge of cutting veggies, but sometimes he can watch over the chicken too. When Will’s mom lets him season the veggies it doesn’t actually turn out half bad; even his father gives an approving grunt occasionally. ****

Sunday’s are his favorite days to cook. It’s breakfast-for-dinner which means pancakes. Will, because of Derek’s moms’ pancakes, has made it his personal goal to make the world’s best pancakes. If he says so himself, he can make a mean cake. At first, mom didn’t let him even _mix_ the batter, let alone _make_ it. Eventually, only a few months ago really, mom stepped back to let Will lead the breakfast charge. This time with his mom, just the two of them, is Will’s most valuable treasure; he begins associating cooking, mainly breakfast food (pancakes), with love, joy, peace, and every other good feeling possible. He also ties it into mom.

This is why, when fourth grade crashes through, it’s absolute hell.

It’s a sunday evening, just before winter break, and Will is laying out the ingredients for the batter. The sun has already set, because winter likes to take the sun away at four pm, and the house is freezing; they’re keeping the heat low to try and save extra change. When he’s done staring out the window into the night, he turns around to begin piecing together flour and eggs only to be sidetracked by uninterpital yelling. By using common sense and the knowledge of how often his parents fight, Will makes the assumption that his mother is currently telling his father to “piss off”. Will doesn’t want his mom to get hurt again, so he sets down the whisk and storms into the living room, ears steaming.

Arriving in the living room is like stepping into another reality, being checked to the ground, and being in a car crash, all at the same time. The first thing Will sees is the small details (which in reality were the biggest): both of his parent’s rings on the ground, the shoe in his father’s hand, the bruise forming on moms cheek. 

****

The second thing he notices, more like hears, is his father shouting “Forget this, get _out_ .” and Will’s mom responding with “I should of divorced you a _long_ time ago!”. His dad yells something about keeping the kids but Will can’t fully make it out because the third thing he picks up on is his dad marching towards him, then slapping him across the face with a shoe. It stings physically yeah, but emotionally Will has never felt more scared, useless, and hurt before. 

Will isn’t sure what the rest of the evening entailed; his last memory of that horrid event is his father yelling “Stay out of this, William!”. Whether Will passed out right there and then, ran off crying, or raced straight off to Danny. It could be all three as far as his knowledge goes. Because firstly, he awoke in Danny’s bed, right next to Danny. Secondly, his head pounds in the way only a late night crying can curse you with. And thirdly, and _oddly_ , he has scratches across his arms and dirt on his knees.

****

Danny tells Will before breakfast that towards the end of their parents fight, Danny went rushing downstairs to assess the damage; when he arrived downstairs Will was gone.

****

“I yelled at dad askin’ where you were. He said you ran out the back door. I was worried sick, Foxy.” Danny looked up, probably trying to keep tears from spilling over. “I gave him a mouthful then raced out the door. You hadn’t gotten far, but you were on the ground cryin’ so I picked you up and brought you here.” he gestured to the general space of the room.

“I’m sorry, Danny. I tried. I tried so hard to keep ‘em from leaving each other.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault dad is a manipulative jerk. Chin up, Foxy.”

****

(Will is always forever thankful for the nickname Foxy. At first, he royally despised it, but the more his father called him Will or, even worse, William, the more Foxy grew on him. Danny said it’s because he’s smart, thoughtful, bold, and tempermental. Also, because he has red hair. (after last night, Danny _only_ calls him Foxy.))

Together, they spent the next ten minutes composing themselves to face the damage the hurricane created. They both unclenched jaws, straightened shoulders, and took a few calculated breaths. The head downstairs.

The damage is well… nothing short of _bad_. It looks exactly as it had before Will blanked. The coffee table overturned, the couch askew, two rings scattered across the floor. Only one piece is different: their father passed out on the couch, surrounded by beer cans. Mom isn’t anywhere to be seen either. With no parents around to help, Danny and Will get to work cleaning up the place by returning the table to its original spot, throwing out beer cans, and cleaning up the (forgotten) dinner. While Danny took the trash out to the curb, Will swipes up the wedding rings. It’s a tragic horror, really, to see your parents wedding rings tossed aside like garage; that their promise to cherish one another till death was a hoax. He pockets both of the rings before going upstairs where he cries in the shower.

****

**_________**

****

For the duration of fourth grade, it’s full of court dates and crying. Due to the busy schedule the divorce called for, Will wasn’t able to work at the ice rink. He also didn’t get to write Derek. Thankfully though, he could continue to skate, but money became even tighter.

He and Danny weren’t required to go to every court session. Dad didn’t even _allow_ them; they’d stay with uncles or aunts instead. Today marks one month, three weeks, and two days since Will’s seen, or even spoken to, mom. He doesn’t know why they are stuck living with dad, and why she left without a single goodbye; it’s a sharp pain straight through his heart, as if a knife were lodged inside it. Hearing the news which say he and Danny must live _full time_ with their dad crushed them. The news of the divorce and custody spread like wild fire through their town. When everyone knows everybody, they all know everything. ****

Kids in class started pitying Will and he _hates_ pity. Almost as much as he hates his dad. After a while, the piss and vigor that was reserved for playing hockey, bled its way through and stained Will’s personality. The town quickly grew to know him as the sharpest thorn bush around. The only times Will was soft, or let his guard down, was in front of Danny. In turn, Danny stepped outside the shell he’d built around himself, and returned the goofy trickster Will has always known him as.

By the end of fourth grade, Will has begun writing Derek’s letters again. He doesn’t bother explaining his absence, it’s too soon for that. (He’s) too fragile. He simply continues writing as if everything is normal. 

Summer blows by in a blend of working at the rink, going on jogs almost daily (running until his lungs burn with fire, trying to escape the _real_ pain of home), fixing up the house, and sending the occasional letter to Derek. It’s routine, almost, everyday to wake up and run through that list of to-do’s (work, run, fix things). A routine such as this, is the only thing keeping he and his brother from completely losing it. Will finds it hard to imagine this for the _rest_ of his life; at night he dreams of leaving Maine behind for good.

****

**_________**

****

The fifth grade consists of close to nothing. A few events happen, of course, like how he also starts working on his uncles lobster boat, making captain of his hockey team, stuff like that. During fifth grade, he also strengthens his “bad boy” exterior because one day, a classmate said he was “being a girly pussy”. The insult started and ended right there. Mainly said because Will beat the kid up the second it flew from his mouth.

Danny is a senior this year which frankly, scares Will to his core. Because in those silent, quiet moments late at night, when Will has snuck into Danny’s room, the two of them bond over the knowledge that one day, Maine will be a distant memory.

****

“The minute I graduate, Foxy, I’m leaving Maine far, far behind.”

“I know I can’t go with you, but you’ll keep me in touch, right?” 

“Always.”

****

While Will kept Danny’s promise to stay in touch, see him now and then, there’s still a level of fear that it won’t be upheld. Danny says “when I settle down, I’ll send you my address and you can write me one of those letters like how you write Derek.”. God, if He exists, only knows how much he and Will are going to communicate.

 

Though Danny has plans of his own, so does Will. Almost an entire year without speaking to or even seeing mom, he’s ready to see her again. Knowing her, how she’s a creature of habit, mom probably hasn’t changed her phone number. When Will’s father went out drinking one night, Will went digging around the office until he found mom’s contact. He wrote it down on a sticky note and hid in his underwear drawer.

Dad takes “personal trips” which are really just drinking nights, often. So the next time he’s away from home, about a week after acquiring moms number, Will punches the number into the home phone. It’s around sunset so Will guesses she’ll either be working on the computer, or just about to start making dinner (he tries not to think about how hard it hurts to no longer cook with mom). 

****

Nerves swilter underneath Will’s skin, biting at him like a thousand red ants. He feels his throat clench tight, tears brimming at the eyes ready to spill over. Three rings, four, even five. Then, on the sixth ring, there’s a muffled sound through the other end of the line and a simple “hello?”. It’s a female voice, but one Will doesn’t recognize. She continues speaking “Who’s on the line?”. The voice is sweet and smooth, like honey. She sounds cheery and genuinely interested by who’s talking to her.

Will clears his throat “uh, hi ma’am. My name is Will. Is there a Violet Poindexter present?” his throat is still tight, but now his lungs constricting too “She’s my mom. I just- I miss her.”. Who even knows if she’s there, he could be crying to a complete stranger for nothing.

“Uh. Yes, darling! Let me go catch her, she’s in the kitchen.” there’s murmerring, probably from the nice lady explaining who’s on the phone.

For what feels like forever, as if time slowed down, the phone reconnects and there’s a soft breath through the line. “Baby? Will, is that you, Pecan?” sniffling fills the speaker. On Will’s side there’s just as much crying. He found her.

“Mom- momma I miss you so much. It’s been so lonely. Dad’s a jerk and-and with-” he’s cut off by hyperventilating but after a few breaths he continues “Danny said after school he’s gonna move outta Maine. I’ll be alone, momma.”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry.” there’s a pause and deep exhale “Not just for that. But for not being able to take you with me. I tried everything, but your father was able to out speak me. He used his words and power to take you boys. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t say you’re sorry. Life is kinda crappy sometimes and I didn’t mean to complain, just miss you and my emotions got the best of me.”

“Emotions are okay, Pecan.”

****

Just like Foxy, Pecan is a special nickname that Will’s mom calls him. He’s equally thankful for it.

****

They spend over an hour catching up. She asks about Derek, how hockey is going, and about school. He says that Derek is okay, hockey is the best thing in life, and school… could be better; he gets into too many fights. In turn, he asks how she’s doing, where she is, and if her hair is still wicked long. Mom replies saying that after the divorce, it was rough for a while, but she’s much happier now. At peace, even. Better news yet, she still lives in Maine, just the town over, and that yes, her hair is _still_ super lengthy (that brings joy to Will, he always thought moms long hair was beautiful).

 

Will thinks dad will be home soon, he tells mom and he can practically feel her signing the cross over her chest. He explains that he needs to go, but before he can say goodbye she says “Wait- can we get lunch? Is there a _safe_ way to get here? Maybe Danny can get you to the Pizza Hut here in my town.”

“Danny isn’t home much. When he is, he’s studying for college stuff. I can take a bus easily, say I’m goin’ to the boat. My next off day is saturday if you’re free; we could meet at noon.”

“That works beautifully, Pecan. Can I bring Ari with me? She’s the one who answered the phone- she’s very dear to me.”

“Yeah! She seems sweet! I love you, momma.”

“I love you too, Pecan. Be safe.”

****

With that, the conversation ends. Will deletes the call from the phone history, so dad doesn’t find out, and burns the sticky note in the fireplace. He then races towards the bathroom where he proceeds to scream out every nervous, frustrated, angry, and sad feeling he’s bottled up for the past year. Running a hand through his hair, resetting himself, he goes to make a sandwich before heading up to bed.

In just two days, he’s finally seeing his mom.

****

**_________**

****

Waiting two days was the worst form of torture Will has and will ever undergo. He busies himself with homework (and extra math problems because why not), and writing out a letter to Derek. It’s not the longest letter he’s written, in fact it’s probably one of the shortest, but he gets it done and sends it away.

Saturday arrives eventually, though. He doesn’t actually have work for the lobster boat today, and dad doesn’t care enough to double check that’s where he is; instead of the bus taking him to the port, he hops on the one leading north out of town.

It’s a quaint town, but busy with little mom-and-pop shops. There’s not actually many chain stores, most of it seems local. The kind of town where everybody knows everyone, however not in the way like Will’s town. How it’s dirty church gossip and spreading school rumors. Here, there’s a level of home, as if the virgin goddess Hestia (he learned about Her this year) resides here and makes outsiders feel safe and welcome.

Walking to Pizza Hut isn’t too much of a challenge because the bus stop was just down the street. Will is a roughly fifteen minutes early (because bus schedules be like that) so he takes his time strolling down the street, absorbing the relaxed vibes the town radiates. In some small way, he’s thankful the town is so calming, because at the moment, his nerves are skyrocketing through the roof.

Arriving at Pizza Hut, all by himself, sends a few (lovingly) concerned looks. After all, Will is an unknown, young kid who’s walking into a popular town hangout. However, he settles into a booth towards the back of the restaurant awaiting mom and Ms Ari. While he’s nervous, the excitement of seeing his mamma again and meeting Ari, outshines any negative emotion.

A bell rings when the main door opens. Two women walk into the building, looking around with upheld chins, as if trying to find someone. The first woman who enters has beautiful tan skin, deep, chocolate eyes, and thick, curly hair cropped short. She’s rather tall but she has a healthy weight to her that suits her beautifully. The woman must be the famous Ms Ari because the (even taller) woman who follows her is Violet Poindexter. Will’s mom. 

Her hair is the longest it’s probably ever been; passing her bottom by at least two inches. Its strawberry blonde, gray streaks starting to poke their way through (Will adores moms hair). Her slouch is even more prominent now, like she doesn’t care about impressing anybody. Even with the poor posture, she still towers over Ms Ari. the freckles which cover mom’s cheeks are beginning to deepen in color as springs sun heats up. More than ever before, her gray eyes shine brightly.

****

Together, to two of them glance over towards Will, taking a double look to finally realize he’s there. Mom gasps, covering her mouth with her hands before she runs towards Will; they meet halfway with a hug that could crush ribs. The first thing he says is “You’re more beautiful than ever, mama.”

****

Standing shyly just behind mom, is Ari. After the initial first hug, and set of tears happened, Will steps back to shake her hand and formally introduce himself. Ari has a firm handshake, which for some reason, makes Will extremely happy. To top it all off, her voice is even sweeter in person, and he can even make out a slight accent of some kind. He loves her already.

Everybody takes their seat after piling pizza onto their plates ( _wow Will, that’s a lot of food_ ). It’s fairly quiet while they eat but it isn’t uncomfortable. After all, they did most of their catching up during the phone call on thursday. That’s why the conversation chalks up to learning about Ari.

****

“We met just about two years ago. Ari works at the hair salon I go to. We started talking and really connected.” mom smiled from ear to ear, she looked over at Ari like she hung to moon. Huh. 

“Your mother is the strongest, bravest person I know, Will. After things with Mr. Poindexter went down, she started living with me.” in turn, Ari glances at mom with a look that makes him go _huh_. They look at each other and nod before she continues “I actually came here with Violet for a reason. You see, we love each other- a lot. We want to get married.”

“Oh.” he says. “I didn’t realize that was something- I uh, didn’t know you were gay mamma.” he’s confused. But…. he’s also very intrigued. “I don’t fully understand how you’re gay when you married dad. But, I’m excited for you.” Will finds he truly means it. A smile creeps onto his face and he reaches across the table to hold moms hand, and Ari’s in his other.

****

The two women let out a sigh of relief, breaking out into nervous huffs of laughter. Mom explains what happened with dad, how she felt forced and trapped to be with him (and part of the reason she finally decided to leave). She also explains how the wedding is going to not be “official” because America hasn’t made same-sex marriage legal yet. 

Conversation doesn’t last about the wedding, or the fact that mom is _literally gay_ for too long, but everything seems to be covered. Will continues to show his genuine adoration and embracement of them. Eventually, the conversation flows back towards Ari. Apparently, she’s Jewish and speaks Hebrew fluently. Will always knew mom could speak a few languages but he didn’t know which. He guesses one of them is Hebrew. When he gets home, and starts learning the language himself, no one is their to question it.

It’s been about two hours of both deep, heavy conversation topics, and silly, goofy ones too. Will knows time is running away quickly, so he clears his throat and begins digging around in his front pocket.

****

“So, I know how bad things with dad were-are, so that night, uh, I collected both of your wedding bands.” he sucks in a breath. “I thought you might like yours back or to destroy them, dads that is, or something.” there, he places both rings side by side, sliding them across the table to her.

“Oh, Pecan. This-” she takes a moment, keeping tears from brimming over. Ari squeezes her hand and she continues “Thank you so much. You want to go throw his in the ocean before you leave?”

“... Yes!”

****

That’s how, before going back home, Will stands hand in hand with mom, throwing dads wedding ring into the ocean; it’ll be forgotten in the depths of the ocean forever. 

****

As goodbye hugs are shared between the three of them and (true, genuine) promises made to keep in touch, mom turns to Will. “Hold out your hand.” she says. In that moment a simple, silver wedding band is placed into the palm of his hand. “You keep this- you keep it as my promise to you that you’ve always got me, Pecan. I ain’t ever leaving you. That, right there, is my love for you.” she looks him in the eye sincerely. Will wraps his arms around her neck, tucking his head away in her hair in an attempt to hide the tears dripping off his face. 

“I love you, mamma. Thank you. And you, Ari, thank you for being with her. Take care of her, okay?”

“I will.”

****

With that, Will goes his own way; back to the dungeon which is home. Something stirs inside Will as he sees mom and Ari walk away, hand in hand. Will doesn’t exactly place what he feels, he just knows his father won’t like it.

****

**_________**

****

Just like the previous summer, routine takes place. Now that Danny is out of Maine and in college, Will is truly by himself. Thankfully, he calls mom and Ari about once a week; those pocket moments when he isn’t either at work, fixing the house, sleeping, or in the house with dad mean everything to Will. Those calls mean everything to him. Sometimes, he can say a sentence or two in Hebrew and it’s become a special bond between he and Ari ( _when did you start learning Hebrew, mister? Oh, just the minute I got home from our meeting._ ).

Because of everything happening in his life right now, Will decides to pick up journaling. It was Derek’s idea. He’d said it’s a “good way to let off steam”, and well, Will has plenty of steam to get rid of. 

The journal really is nothing special, more of a school notebook than anything. Inside there’s plenty of lined paper and even folders for extra papers. And even though he and Derek don’t really write much anymore, if at all, Will decides to keep every letter he has received from Derek, inside those folders. The risks of having all of his deepest emotions condensed into one place are high, but he conceals it well enough. The only secret that’s out in the open, hidden in plain sight really, is mom’s wedding band which is tired to a leather band; he wears it every day (and before games, he kisses it for good luck).

Journaling though, was something Will never thought he’d enjoy. But here he is, a sixth grader, writing down ever frustration, worry, hope, and secret inside his heart. The journal is a literal mess in every sense. Not only are pages stained or crumbled, emotions splattered everywhere, but _three different languages_ fill the book. Most is in English, but Hebrew and French take at least a line or two on every page. Sometimes Hebrew or French captures emotions that English is too complicated to understand (wow, he sounds like Derek). 

As the sixth grade ends, and the looming future awaits, stress builds easily inside Will. Most of the anxiety filling him comes from the fact that Will thinks he might be gay. All the signs are there, truly. He decides to write out what he’s feeling in the journal. 

Dad shouldn’t be home for another hour or so. Will is in the clear. This is his biggest mistake.

The moment he writes _I might be gay_ , his dad barges into his room. Will hadn’t even _heard_ the floors creaking. Panic surges him as his dad stomps over to the bed and grabs the journal straight from Will’s hands.

****

“What on earth is this?”

“It’s uh, a writing project for school.” Will aims for easy, but his voice betrays him with a crack.

“Don’t try lying to me, William. You’ve always been bad at it.”

****

Then the worst happens: Derek’s letters are ripped out. While they hardly write anymore, those are very dear and personal to Will. His father begins skimming over _every_ letter. He finds out about Derek’s moms, Derek’s struggles with bullying (for that reason), and promptly begins tearing _each letter apart, one by one._ Will starts yelling back, begging him to stop. When Will thinks the worst has just happened, dad looks through the journal. Will can tell he’s confused about the languages by the scrunched eyebrows across dad’s face, but then his face falls flat for a split second. The next second, red rage paints his father’s face.

****

“You’re gonna pay for this. No son of mine is gay. Get out before I beat you to a pulp.”

****

Will takes two seconds of defiant, yet crushed, staring at his dad before snapping into action. He grabs the money he’s earned from work (just shy of one thousand dollars), stuffs it into his hockey bag, and takes off. He walks towards the bus stop, tears making their way off his face. Rapidly wiping his eyes in an attempt to see, he takes the bus north. He’s going to mom. Why he hasn’t done this sooner is a question Will is never going to be able to answer, but here he is now, finally getting out of that hell hole. It hurts, real bad, but Will _knows_ this is what needs to be done.

It’s near ten at night when he arrives, knocking on moms door step (he got her address when they first met up, just in case something happened). Ari opens the door, already in pajamas, and gasps upon seeing Will. Thankfully, she’s good at reading emotions because instantly, he’s wrapped into a hug. She wipes away the tear stains and flattens his hair (which he hadn’t realized he’d been grabbing) as she calls for Violet.

The rest of the night, Will does not remember (even to this day). Logically, he guesses he explained what happened, or at least attempted to, before passing out wrapped in Ari’s and mom’s arms.

****

**_________**

****

Somehow he manages to contact Danny to explain. While he doesn’t cry talking about it anymore, it still stabs him in the chest. Danny shares his apologies and swears to be there for the court date for mom’s official guardianship of Will (He does go, Will is thankful). He officially lives with Ari and mom now; while it’s still hard, money wise mainly, life sucks much less with these two women in his life.

With life being broken apart as if a bull ran through a china shop, He’s completely stopped talking to Derek. Before the mess with dad, they hadn’t written anyways, but now, Derek doesn’t even have Will’s new address. Will does feel bad however, so during winter break of eighth grade, Will decides to write Derek one last time. After all, he shouldn’t burden Derek with everything Will is.

He writes _I’m sorry._ Then mails the letter away.

****

In turn, not until the end of that school year, the only thing Derek’s letter reads is _It’s okay. Life happens. Hope you’re doin ok._

****

Will doesn’t understand why this causes him so much pain when he did this to himself. The only way to move forward though, is to be thankful for the good while it lasted, and forget it all together.

****

**_________**

****

As life moves forward, Will promptly leaves his past, or at least tries to, behind.

Highschool comes and goes with fifty-one percent good memories, and forty-nine percent okay-ish experiences (most good memories are with mom, Ari, and his lobster boat).

Eventually, Will starts scouting colleges. Even visits a few. Here, he falls in love with Samwell University. He applies for scholarships. He gets accepted. 

Deep in his bones, Samwell already feels familiar, like the home he’s always wanted.

Will is ready to start facing the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me so much longer than usual to bust this chapter out which Is apart of the reason I haven't updated sooner. but mainly, I still don't have a consistent way to charge my computer. also had a HUGE case of writers block before starting this chapter.  
> about this chapter: I had the idea to make mrs. poindexter a lesbian for a while and finally decided to get that done. she also has a lovely jewish, woc wife and I love her. violet was totally born in the hippie era so that's why she's got the name violet lmbo. I also thought that since dex lives so far north, he probably learned French in school, hence the reason he speaks fluently. trilingual dex WILL be making another appearance ;) in addition, I find nicknames to be one of the highest forms of closeness so that's why dex has two :')
> 
> thank you everyone whos been so patient in waiting for this chapter and has enjoyed the story so far! less angst in the future and more fluff (hopefully)! be prepared for an up in chapter count too lmbo. 
> 
> as usual, shoutout to those whove helped me along the way!


	7. Open Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we. are. finally. getting. somewhere. 
> 
> Nursey's logic: he's your pepal
> 
> Nursey's brain: coincidence :/

Samwell University is beautiful in pictures, yes, but seeing the campus in person was a religious experience to Derek. Every building was well loved from students of the past and the dorms were cozier than the horror stories college students warned him about. 

 

The serenity of the campus extended into the ice rink too. Faber stood tall and prideful among the rest of the facilities. Hockey is a big sport here at Samwell, especially with _the Jack Zimmermann_ as captain of the hockey team. To Derek, Jack Zimmermann’s good looks equally tied with Faber’s. For some reason, Derek just knew this rink would outshine his clubs rink without competition. 

 

Faber has white floors and walls with red seats enclosing the ice. High ceilings stretch high above his head - when he looks up, Derek imagines a little kid looking up to their parents in awe - with floor to ceiling windows that face the sun for a majority of the day. Derek later finds that skating around the rink during sunset is quite a relaxing activity.

 

He’s been on campus for exactly twenty minutes, and while he knows deep down he’ll be fine, Derek’s anxiety is starting to make him think all the worst is yet to come. What if the team isn’t chill, - especially about him being a _gay black_ guy - what if they think his english major is useless, what if he isn’t actually a good enough athlete, what if…

 

Derek needs to snap out of his spiral. This’ll be the best four years of his life. And the guy (Chris he thinks?), he met on the taddy tour was super sweet, all of his teachers seem neat too.

 

As he’s fighting against the gravity of his spiral, mom taps his arm. She’s sitting in the seat behind him. Both mom and mama decided to bring him to school, leaving the car with him, then taking the train back home.

 

“You’re gonna be okay, Der. I’ve got this gut feeling, I just know it.” she says, squeezing his shoulder. Mom leaves her hand there, so Derek reaches around with his right hand to hold hers. There was a time when her hands engulfed his, but now the tables have turned. Derek has to hold back tears, he’s really going to miss mom.

Mama pitches in and says he’s always welcome to come home for a weekend if he needs an escape. Derek is also going to miss mama. 

“I love you Mams. Just gotta push past the first month or so, settle in, yannow?”

 

As they pull up to student drop off, mama takes the keys out of the ignition, promptly turning the car off. She hands him the keys, which he pockets. They stand there in a circle for a second, trying to spot the sign in table. Eventually, the three see it and walk over to get Derek settled in. 

 

At the table, Derek finds himself face to face with the one and only Shitty Knight.

“OH MY GOD!” he and Derek shout in unison. A few heads turn towards the commotion to see what’s going on.

“Derek, I didn’t know you were gonna attend Samwell, brah!! WAIT- don’t tell me- YOU’RE GONNA PLAY HOCKEY HOLY HELL, BRAH!”

“Yeah, man I am!! How didn’t I realize?! Your name is on the roster and everything LOL.”

“I’m wicked excited to see you here, brah. Can’t believe I get to play with your honest-to-god sexy-ass playing again.” Shitty is practically starry eyed while talking about Derek. Maybe it’ll be okay after all. “Once you settle down into your room, why don’t you come over to the Haus for some of the best pie you’ll ever have. Bitty is an angel among men, you’ll love him. I’ll walk over with you if you want. Eight-ish work for you?”

“Yeah, I’d really really like that. Thanks, man.”

 

If Derek is remembering correctly, Bitty is a short, blond, southern boy with a smile so cute, it _almost_ made Derek fall head over heels for him. It would definitely be nice to have support like Bitty (and little does he know that Bitty will be one of his biggest supporters).

 

Shitty hands him his student ID, a map, and his class schedule. He then offers his hand to mom and mama to shake vigorously and assure them that he’ll “take good care of your son, mrs. and mrs. Nurse.”.

It’s quite the show.

  
_________

  
Trugging up Derek’s entire wardrobe alone was a task he thought would never end but eventually, not only did his clothes get put away, but the rest of Derek’s belongings were successfully placed in his dorm. 

 

When he was packing for Samwell, Derek was madly torn on what was important enough to bring, and what would have to stay home. In the end, other than the obvious hockey supplies and everyday life necessities, Derek decided to bring his first goal’s puck, the pictures of him and Mams in Central Park, the quills and stationary he received for his sixteenth birthday, and a few other miscellaneous items. Picking just a few items was extremely difficult because Derek has a tendency to grow attached.

 

By the end of the evening, around seven, his side of the room is completely set up. He, mom, and mama reek worse than his jock strap which is _really_ saying something. 

 

They’re standing around in a circle again, simple staring at each other, or admiring the work of the room, when mama pipes in mentioning the fact that Derek’s roommate somehow put his stuff in the room - yet didn’t setting it up. It’s not much, just the largest suitcase Derek’s ever seen, a picture of two very beautiful women and another of a red-haired woman and a boy with matching eyes and dark hair, and a set of sheets (and to be frank, the most beautiful quilt Derek’s ever layed his eyes upon) with a well loved computer on top.

 

“He must’a brought it in when we went out to that cute little diner.” Mama says. 

 

The thing is, that’s completely plausible because around four, all three of them felt so hungry they could faint so they grabbed their wallets with the intent of stuffing their faces to the point of losing the ability to breathe. And that they did. What can Derek say? His family loves food.

 

An awkward silence creeps into the room as the time for goodbyes starts to loom upon them. He doesn’t want to do it, he _can’t_ do it. Not having Mams by his side scares Derek to the core. Without them, Derek truly believes he would not be here today. 

 

Mom wraps her arms around Derek, tucking her head underneath his chin. Mama comes up from behind, somehow managing to get her arms around both him and mom.

 

As they pull away, he takes time to duck down and place a firm kiss moms head, and do the same for mama. In turn, they take turns placing hands upon his jaw, bringing his forehead to their lips for a kiss in return.

 

When they leave, Derek doesn’t even try denying the fact he cries.

 

In the hallway, Derek failed to hear the faint “hello”’s and “nice to meet you”’s, because there enters his roommate, startling Derek. He quickly wipes his face, putting on the best “nice to meet you” face he can. However, it’s probably clear he’s been crying.

 

“Hey, nice to meet you. I’ll be out of your hair soon enough, my friend is about to come pick me up.” Derek manages to say. He knows how to hold a conversation, sure. But right now, Derek needs a minute alone before Shitty comes to walk him over to the Haus.

“Nice to meet you too. Hope you feel better. I get how you feel, haha.” the guy says. He’s definitely been crying himself so Derek takes his word for it. He nods respectfully, and ducks out of the dorm.

 

Derek waits in the lobby for Shitty. He arrives within a few minutes, looping an arm through Dereks in a very gentlemanly fashion. Shitty really knows how to read a person and make them feel better instantly.

_________

The Haus is by far the grossest house on the planet. Granted, its owned by several male hockey players, but that doesn’t change the fact it’s absolutely nasty. The smell wafting from the kitchen however, is _heavenly_. Someone in there is a whiz at baking and at the moment, any sadness Derek felt is stained by his desire to consume whatever’s in the oven.

 

“I know right.” Shitty says, wagging his eyebrows “That, my friend, is Bitty’s pie you’re smelling. Boy’s a champ in the kitchen I’d practically marry him to secure those sweet pies for a lifetime. By the smell of it, he’s making cherry. What a classic.”

“Oh, nice. Cherry is actually one of my favorite flavors.”

“That’s the Bitty magic, right there, Brah. He just _knows_.”

 

In the background, Derek can hear two guys playing Mario Kart and someone pacing about upstairs. But as Derek turns the corner, Bitty welcomes him into the kitchen with that same cute smile from last year. While the smile is the same, he’s changed his hair to a shorter cut, and beefed out _a lot_. 

 

“Derek! I’ve heard so much about you! Nice to finally meet you. As you’ve probably heard by now, I’m Bitty. I didn’t know what kind of pie you liked so I went for classic cherry.”

“Nice to meet you too. It’s kinda cool, actually. Cherry is one of my favorite dessert flavors. Like ever. That and chocolate.”

 

Bitty beckons him to sit at the table and serves him a slice of pie. It’s the most amazing pie, maybe even food, Derek’s _ever_ had. Without meaning to, a groan escapes his mouth and Bitty straight up laughs. Shitty then offers commentary of “Yeah, brah! Orgasmically good.” which only causes Bitty to laugh harder, and Derek to almost choke on pie.

 

Once his slice has been devoured, Bitty asks easy questions on how he’s doing, if he’s excited for classes, and if he’s met his roommate. Derek replies by _saying I’m pulling through, yeah I’m excited ‘cause I like what unit we’re starting in, and I briefly met him once but don’t even know his name._

 

Comfortable conversation continues as the rest of the Haus fights for pie leftovers. Derek meets Jack and allows himself thirty seconds to fan boy before accepting the fact that Jack is now his teammate and captain. Holster and Ransom immediately rename him “Nursey” and giving a speech about how Shitty shouldn’t of even brought him the Haus yet because he hasn’t been given the rules of the land yet. Bitty shoes them off, and makes sure Nursey understands it’s okay ( _as long as you don’t go telling the others_ ). Lardo seems pretty chill for an art major and her and Nursey hit it off right away, bonding over arts many platforms.

 

By the time things settle down, he’s exhausted to the bones, and Shitty walks him home because it’s late. 

 

He creeps into his dorm, trying not to wake his roommate, and collapses in bed without even changing clothes. After meeting some of the guys, Nursey finds himself thinking it’ll all be okay. 

_________

The first month of school kicks off smoothly, better than Nursey had thought it would if he’s honest, and he settles into a routine nicely. Other than team bonding at the Haus and occasional work outs with the team, he hasn’t seen too much of them because season isn’t in full swing. Yeah, they have practice, but there’s still about a week before season goes full send.

 

Nursey finds out his teammate is on the hockey team. He goes by Dex. He and Nursey have complete opposite schedules, and really only see each other in the rink or at the Huas. Even in the dorm, by the time Dex is back from _wherever_ , Nursey is konked out hard. Nursey isn’t even complaining that he never sees the guy, because if they’re within twenty feet of each other there’s an argument starting. All the fights are over petty things, too; Dex won’t let anybody other pay for him, has the oldest equipment, he hates family talks.

 

What’s even more bothersome however, is the nagging in the back of Nursey’s mind telling him _you can trust him_. Why on earth would Nursey trust Dex? He’s a selfish prick that won’t even bother to get to know Nursey outside of the exterior knowledge Dex has of him. Granted, Nursey hasn’t made an effort to know Dex any better. All he knows about him is he’s closed off about family, he’s a minimalist, and he’s now Bitty’s right hand man in the kitchen.

 

However much they don’t get along, Nursey hands it to Dex to be a good cook. _Especially_ his pancakes, because damn do they taste just like mama’s. He’s a blink away from asking Dex to make pancakes for him whenever he’s homesick. Obviously, he doesn’t because he and Dex dont get along. It’s slightly disappointing because he’s kinda good looking, and inside of that New England exterior, he seems like a personable dude.

 

As the weather chills, the team becomes closer and closer. Nursey is particularly a fan of Shitty, Lardo, and of course, Bitty. The three of them have welcomed Nursey openly for who he is. Bitty is openly gay, so Nursey instantly told him that he too, is gay. Shitty is just… him, which is nice. And Lardo, Ransom too, get the racial issues and they have weekly Bitch Sessions over the whiteness of Samwell. 

 

The team is really becoming Nursey’s backbone, and he couldn’t be more thankful. 

_________

The day before Thanksgiving, and Nursey is packing to head back home. He’s never been so excited for thanksgiving, but he’s missed Mams more than anything. They call every other night and talk about everything and nothing, but he misses the smell of the kitchen, the comfortable chatter from his Mams, and the views of the city.

 

Nursey is sure his parents are ready to be home too; they just took their yearly trip to Norway. They have gone every year, the week before thanksgiving, since Nursey can remember. He knows the flight is about to take off in about an hour, so he decides to give them a call.

 

“Derek, honey, hi!” Mama excites.  
“I just wanted to call you guys before your flight. It takes off soon, right?”  
“Yep! I’m worried though, there’s quite a bit of snow falling right now.”  
“Do you think you’ll be able to make it home?”  
“Your mom is checking flight schedule right now, actually. She should be back soon.”

 

Nursey is starting to feel sick to his stomach. He just wants to see his family.

 

In the background of the call, Nursey hears mom approach and mumble something into mama’s ear. Before she even says anything, Nursey already knows the bad news.

 

“Der-bear,” a pause “our flight just got cancelled… and there isn’t another one for two days. We’re snowed in. I’m so sorry, honey.” she truly sounds heartbroken.

 

Derek doesn’t know if he’s crying because she sounds so sad, or if _he’s_ that sad. Trying to hold it together for a minute, he says his love you’s and goodbye’s, before hanging up the phone. He cries. Call him a baby if you wish, but this is the first thanksgiving he’s missed with them and no one means more to him than his Mams.

 

Sitting down on the floor, back resting against his bed, he  lets the tears roll down his face. He doesn’t even notice Dex walking in. the next thing he knows, Dex is sitting across from him, trying to comfort him. A single hand is placed upon Derek’s knee. It’s a kind gesture, but it’s awkward. Nursey can tell by the look coloring Dex’s face, that he’s formulating something to say. In the end, all the falls from his lips is “are you okay?”.

“I’m fine, I’m just a bit of a baby.” he tries to laugh it off, but it doesn’t work. This is embarrassing. “I guess I’m not going home for thanksgiving after all. My moms’ flight got cancelled and they can’t get home for another two days. It’s the first time we haven’t celebrated together. Silly, I know.”

Dex focuses on what to say next, before he finally says something. “I don’t think I could relate any harder.”

 

That’s _not_ what Nursey thought he’d say. There’s a slight pause before Dex goes on to continue. Are they really about to have a heart-to-heart?

 

“I know what you’re going through is sucky, but you’ve got the team. Bitty always welcomes us and he is hosting Hausgiving which anybody can go to. I’m going. Don’t have enough money to take the trip back up to Maine— and no I don’t want money— so I’m staying here.”

“I’ll probably do that then, I guess. Obvs’ you don’t have to answer, but what do you normally do for thanksgiving?”

“Well when I lived with my asshole of a dad, nothing. But when I moved in with my Moms, we’d roast a huge turkey and turn on a christmas movie, first one of the year, and just talk. Funny that we’d watch a christmas movie since Ari’s Jewish but that made it all the more fun.”

 

It takes Nursey a second to comprehend what Dex just said because, without a doubt, that is the _most_ Dex has ever said to him. Not only that, but apparently he’s Jewish? And did he say “mom” plural? Okay then. They might of been working well on the ice for a while now, but this is the first time they haven’t fought while being near each other.

 

“Okay one: being Jewish is hella cool, two: did you say you have two moms? Also cool by the way. And three: that’s the most we’ve ever spoken. Also a cool thing.”

Dex’s face goes bright red and Nursey doesn’t care to admit how cute he finds that. Within a few seconds, he’s calmed down enough to respond to Nursey. “Uh, yeah. Well I was adopted by my birth mom after she left my dad and she’s gay. Married Ari, been close with them since I was twelve going on thirteen if my maths’ right. And uh, I’m sorry I’ve been a bit of an asshole.”

“Dude, it’s okay, and I’m sorry too. You’re actually really cool. And thanks, for helping.”

 

The rest of the night goes on better than Nursey originally thought it would. He and Dex genuinely talk out what their problems are, and to work on them. They find out a bit about each other, but despite the fact they both have two moms, Nursey doesn’t bring up that connection. He doesn’t know why.

_________

As the night turns into days, then weeks into months, and Summer approaches, he and Dex grow rather close, best friends even. They part ways at the end of freshman year and head back home. Calling every night makes Derek’s heart flutter a bit, but he ignores it, why ruin the good he has with Dex after all it took to get there?

 

Feelings aren’t the only thing tugging his heart. Dex is painfully familiar to an old friend, but stuff like that only happens in movies, right? So he brushes it off like a dusty windowsill. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I update monthly" I said.  
> *checks last update* read: july 25th *checks date now* read: November 11th  
> … well then happy 3 months!
> 
> derek: yeah my moms'....  
> dex, in his head: huh, i used to have a friend with two moms, played hockey, and was black. i'll just forget about this and move on:) it's just a coincidence:)))))
> 
>  
> 
> all jokes aside Im sorry its been months since the last update, but im hoping once volleyball season ends Ill be able to write more often! if im not active here, you can always find me on tumblr @ somethingnurseywouldntdo


	8. It's Just a Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> college life is allowing Dex and Nursey to see each other in a more personal sense.  
> as their friendship develops, things begin to stir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dex: you remind me of a friend. but you couldn't be him despite the fact youre almost just like him.  
> nursey: I mean yeah, you could never be him. youre different than him.... slightly.
> 
> only warning I would say is that this chapter has moderate cussing.  
> also there is a pov change mid chapter!
> 
> four months.... I am so sorry I've left yall handing so long:(  
> truly, I love this series but life kinda wacked me in the head so here I am just now uploading chapter eight.  
> if you want to hear about my past four months check end chapter notes!

_< <If you need help with this I am here for you. Bitty too.>>_  
 _< <Thanks, Jack. It’s been nice to have you visit the Haus so much. You and Bitty seem to be getting really close, huh.>>_ Dex winked. He and Jack had talked about it some, about Bitty that is, and that they’re dating (making him the first SMH member to technically know). It’s nice to have Jack in his life because of how similar they are.

 

Jack is centered and calm whereas Dex is more outwardly aggravated, but other than that the two connect easily. Both speak French and Hebrew fluently, talking in it often. From day one, Dex was drawn to his captain (and not just because of his ass, mind you). When Jack found out Dex spoke both languages, he could swear to God himself that it was the most elated he’s ever seen him. It was an instant conversation, switching languages back and forth. The locker room shrunk down into a space just between the two of them, and while Dex had been settling in for a while now, speaking in the languages his moms spoke in was a whole new level of home to be brought to Samwell.

 

_< <I know I can trust you, you’re like a brother to me, just remember not to say anything about this to Nursey, please.>>_   
_< <I’ve always got your back, Dex. I don’t know how things will pan out but I can tell you two are very important to each other.>>_

 

With the conversation wrapping up, Jack put a solid hand on Dex’s shoulder. A sign of security and affirmation. Letting an exasperated sigh slip through his lips, Dex shook out his shoulders before digging into the fridge for pie ingredients (god, he’s becoming just like Bitty. While he liked to cook and bake before, now he uses it to even recollect himself).

 

Mind full of the previous conversation and now recipe steps, Dex didn’t even notice that Nursey had wandered into the kitchen and even had an entire talk with Jack, too. 

 

Startled, Dex let out an “oh… hi.”.

 

Over the summer between end of freshman year and start of sophomore year, he and Nursey called each other constantly. Barriers started falling through the few months. Even though calling doesn’t allow you to be fully a part of that person’s space, it still gives handfuls of pieces. Those pieces in turn, can be placed together, allowing the viewer to see more and more of the final picture (Dex tries not to think about how much this thought process sounds like something Nursey would say). The more they called, the more Dex’s mind started to stir. At first, it felt as if a distant memory was on the tip of his tongue. The confusion of the memory bothered him, though; as Dex tried to work through what he felt, he realized abruptly that he might have started developing feelings for his defense partner. 

 

Dex was over the initial panic of emotions by now, but the more he looked at Nursey, the stronger he felt for him. Nursey is also fucking _hot,_ you can’t expect Dex to fully ignore that.

 

As reality settles in again, Nursey says “Dude, it still amazes me that you speak two other languages. Kinda dope.”

 

“Thanks, but I hope you realize you also speak two other languages.” Dex deflected.  
“Huh, guess you’re right LOL.”  
“If you say ‘LOL’ out loud one more time I’m gonna deck you. No, you won’t get any pie.”. Dex needed to chill ( _chill? Really Will?_ ) because the evil laughter that escaped him was slightly amusing to him.

 

“WAIT-NO…. I want pie. What kind?!”  
“One that’ll be your new favorite: chocolate cherry.” he smiled.  
There was a beat of silence. “How did you know cherry and chocolate was my fav combo?” Nursey asked. It was a valid question because despite how much their relationship has grown, it’s not like ‘favorite food combos’ was a popular chit-chat topic, especially for two (almost) grown-ass adults.  
Dex had his own pause before saying “I- I honestly don’t know? I feel like I already knew, somehow?”

 

And there it was again: that tip of the tongue feeling. It’s stronger this time, though. His stomach feels as though it’s been twisted upside down. 

 

There, in the kitchen, the sun began to set. Nursey’s eyes were bright with confusion and beauty. Dex likes to think he looks the same about now. Flour blocked the perfect image of Nursey as it floated through the air. It felt magical almost, a connection Dex hadn’t felt in years. It was ruined however, by Bitty skipping into the kitchen to see what was about to be baked (Dex _swears_ he has a sixth sense for the oven).

 

“So! What are we baking today, Dex?” Bitty asked, unaware.  
“Oh- uh, I was thinking chocolate cherry. New recipe.” when Dex finished his answer he glanced back to where Nursey had been standing, only to find him gone.

He tried not to let it distract him, but he wished he could have stayed in that serenity a while longer. Whatever his mind began thinking of in mid summer, his heart has started to catch up with in the late fall, creating a muddled thought that only a crazy man would imagine. 

 

Bitty glanced at him, and Dex snapped back into his current state of mind: pie making. He shook off his shoulders, and got to baking and singing with Bitty.

_________

Winter had a not so warm welcome, bringing in a blizzard. Dex doesn’t mind, however. A blanket of snow covered Samwell, and if he squinted hard enough he was back home with mom and Ari. 

 

Everyone complains about winter, Bitty especially, saying it’s “depressing” or “spirit crushing” but Dex would beg to differ. Back home, when the snow locks the town into their homes, the air would fill with a heavy fragrance of coffee. Murmurs of a christmas movie could be heard through the blanket fort they would make. Dex’s famous pancakes would leave everyone's stomachs as full as their hearts. Nothing about winter seemed cold or bitter to him; not then, and not now.

 

Creaking stairs broke Dex’s daydream and he turned back towards the living room. Damn that snow for blinding him because it took a second to see who was approaching. Eventually regaining his vision, Dex noticed Nursey slomping downstairs. Despite the bed head and mix-matched pajamas, Nursey still looked absolutely adorable. Before Dex could let his mind wander further, he said good morning. 

 

“Mornin’. What were you staring a- holy shit there’s snow. No wonder I slept in so late.”  
“My sentiments exactly, bro. I was just looking at it and thinking about home. Call it a Maine thing I guess.”  
“Obviously it snows a lot there but why snow?” Nursey asked.

 

Dex considered not telling him something so personal, but why not? They’ve come so far and besides Chowder, Dex would say Nursey is his best friend. So there Dex was, explaining all the comfort that surrounded snow.

 

“How about this then,” Nursey faux contemplated (you could tell by the smirk in his eyes) before continuing his suggestion, “we build a huge-ass fort, make coffee and pancakes, and throw on a movie. It’s not like anyone else is home right now, Bitty is up at Jacks, the seniors are up in Boston house hunting, and Chow is on a date with Farmer.”  
“I don’t even know what to say. That sounds fucking ‘swaesome.” Dex said.

 

The two agreed that setting up the fort first was the way to go, so when food was ready they could just pop on in. It wasn’t an impressive fort per se, but cozy and large enough to fit two D1 college hockey players. A blanket was laid across the floor and the couch pillows as back support. The blanket which was the “roof” provided enough solitude from the outside while still allowing them to see the tv. Once constructed, they went off to the kitchen. 

 

Despite being hella clumsy, Nursey could brew a mean pot of coffee so Dex sent him off to do that as he pulled ingredients from the cabinet for pancakes. Nursey has mentioned before how much he likes Dex’s pancakes, mainly so ‘cause they remind him of his mama’s, so he figured now would be the time for stacks.

 

Nursey perched himself on top of the island, facing the sink. Dex pulled up next to him. If his arm brushed Nursey’s leg while pouring flour into the bowl, well then that was something between him and Dex. 

 

With the wet ingredients in a smaller bowl, Dex set out to compile the dry ones in a larger mixing bowl. 

 

“Now _you’ve_ got me feeling nostalgic,” Nursey said absentmindedly, “I used to sit on Mam’s counter like this, too. When they’d make pancakes.”  
“Of course you would just sit there,” Dex chirped, but with no heat, “My mom would make me cook with her before I even learned to appreciate it.”

The topic changed as Dex pulled out the cinnamon, “Now for the secret ingredient: a dash of cinnamon. Old friend of mine told me about it when I was a kid.”

“What did you just say?” Nursey asked.

 

When Dex looked up from the bowl, Nursey was pale. As if a ghost went through him after beating him to a pulp. Dex could visibly see his adam’s apple bob when Nursey swallowed. Dex had never seen Nursey look so shocked before. A second later, as Dex’s brain began to kick into gear, he started to realize the weight of what he just said. Could it be? Could this actually be real?

_________

Waking up that morning, Nursey expected it to be a typical day. Go for a run, shower, read, flirt with Dex maybe. Who knew? The day was his. Dragging himself downstairs however, presented him a change of plans. Dex mentioned the snow and the memories, and Nursey thought he would make it not just his day, but his and Dex’s. 

 

While the fort wasn’t nearly as good as one he and Mam’s could build, it was still impressive (especially for the lack of pillows around the Haus). 

 

In the kitchen Nursey found himself absorbing all the smells and sounds. He found himself zoning out, thinking about his own memories back home.

 

On a snowy day like this, mama would drag him into the kitchen, plopping him on the counter as she stirred batter. Mom on the other hand would whip up coffee and hot chocolate for Derek. The three of them weren’t super into movies, but all three loved cuddling up to read a book. Mama could do the best voices, so she would read to him and mom, while they chomped down on pancakes. If a book wasn’t of interest, they would bring out a deck of cards and play whatever game came to mind. 

 

The memory faded as Dex grabbed another bowl to start throwing in some flour and whatever else was needed to make his stacks so good. Dex kept brushing his arm across Nursey’s leg which frankly, made him happier than he cared to admit. He and Dex had been doing that a lot lately. The brushes that is. It wasn’t just that but glances, soft words, trusted moments, inside jokes, and even a few tears. It was no surprise to Nursey that he had begun to like Dex. Hell, when you spend a whole summer on the phone with one another, emotions are bound to happen, okay?

 

To what Nursey could notice, all the ingredients had been added to make pancakes, so when Dex came out and said there’s a secret to the recipe, Nursey tuned in as closely as he could. That’s when Nursey lost his shit. 

 

Dex said “...a dash of cinnamon. Old friend of mine told me about it when I was a kid.”.

Nursey knew only one person who added cinnamon to pancakes: Mom.

 

Nursey could see all the dots on the page. He just never thought to connect them. Stuff like this only happened to lucky people from Hollywood movies. Yeah sure his real name was Will, but that’s a common name. Yeah, he plays hockey as a defenseman. Yeah, he acts similar to a boy he once knew. But it just didn’t make sense to Nursey. This Will, his Dex, was reserved, shy off the ice, has two moms and not a shit dad, he speaks two languages, and he is softer around the edges than he would ever admit.

 

In Nursey’s mind, this was a coincidence. It wasn’t a possible reality.

 

The kid that left Derek (yes, Derek knows he could have fought harder, it’s one of his biggest regrets) couldn’t care for him. So how is he here? Caring for Nursey.

 

He knew he was pale, he could even feel how cold his fingertips were. Dex looked absolutely oblivious. Then it kicked in, his gears started turning, and he looked sick as well. Nursey wonders what was going through Dex’s head. Was he comparing the old and new? Was he hurt or relieved? (was Nursey hurt or relieved?)

 

“What the fuck?” Dex whispered. It wasn’t so much a question as an exclamation.  
“What the fuck?” Nursey echoed. A laugh bit through his throat.

 

“This can’t be real. There is no way that I’m too dumb to realize you’re my Derek.”  
“You can’t tell me you haven’t felt something odd? Like an old memory you can’t fully remember. Cause I sure have felt that. You just seem to of always known me and I could never figure out how I seemed to of known you as well.”  
“No, no, you’re right. I’ve felt it. I was just sure I wasn’t lucky enough to have my movie unfold in real life, yannow?” Dex then took his own turn gulping. If he felt how Nursey felt,  he was probably trying to contain himself from throwing up.

 

Dex continued, “Funny how you were my best friend then, and now four years later you’re my best friend again,” he laughed, “you definitely have a heart for theatrics, huh?”  
“I guess so,” Nursey paused, a faint smile stretching across his lips, “you are too. My best friend that is. Even if I hadn’t had that tickle in the back of my mind, I think we would have worked out.”  
“Me too. You know more about me than anybody, yes even the letters excluded. Hell, you’re the only one who knows I’m gay. Well Jack knows, but he’s like my brother,” Dex paused, then took on a confident look, “I actually talk to him about you. Nothing bad. Good, even. I like you, Nursey. A lot. I’ve known for a while. You just bring out the best in me, you round me out and push me to strive to be better.” as quickly as his confidence had come, it faded just as fast. Nursey realized even faster, that he should respond.   
“Oh my god. I’ve been waiting for this day for months. I feel the same way. You just make me happy. You open my eyes to more than I used to be capable of seeing. Yeah we were dicks to each other for a while, but I believe it's helped us get to where we are now: better people.”

 

Call it a cheesy confession of you will, but Derek lives for a romantic cliche. By the look on Dex’s face, Nursey could only guess he was thinking along the same lines.

 

If Nursey kissed Dex slow and deep, well that’s between him and Dex. If they made out in the fort, well that’s between him, Dex and Chow, who happened to have walked in (they all had quite the laugh over it. Chowder didn’t even look surprised saying he “saw it in the making for a while.”)

  
   
Nursey and Dex proceeded to explain everything to Chow while eating pancakes. Chowder squealed over how cute it was that they were pen pals. He also chirped them to hell and back for being so blind and not knowing it was each other. They unfolded the hardships of what happened in between letters, and after them, and C continued to cry and chirp. This would probably be a day he would never forget.

 

  
Sometimes Nursey wonders how life could be so cruel yet so spontaneous. In the past, it hurt him. It made him cry endlessly, bleed out on the floor, and break his heart in many ways. But then it would lend a hand, pulling him off his feet. It would dust him off and say _“life happens, you’re gonna be okay.”_ before sending him off. Nursey thinks this is one of those times where he’s given an olive branch; He grabs ahold and says _“thank you.”_. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update: don't take AP biology cause it absolutely swarmed me. on top of that, im also an athlete and track season took up every single spare moment I had. season ended a few weeks ago with a bang! I placed sixth in the state for hurdles but fell short in long jump (hah). our team as a whole finished 12th in the region and 2nd in the state so im wicked proud of us. additionally I finally grew up and started cussing and you might be able to tell due to the addition of uneccessary amount of cussing. anyways with school and track being so hectic, pen pals sadly fell behind. so a big thank you to covid-19 for making this chapter happen! 
> 
> one more chapter left: the epilogue!


	9. Right Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue! Chris' love for his boys is always gonna be there. and they will always love Chris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for a sweet and sappy epilogue! I've never written one before so I hope yall can see it for what it is: me being in love with the frogs.
> 
> this chapter is in Chowders pov!  
> warning for the chapter: it has a homophobic slur.
> 
>  
> 
> see end notes for a thank you!

Chowder never had best friends growing up. Not because he was awkward or too niche for other kids, but he likes to think (if not fully believe) that kids didn’t appreciate the pure joy he’s always had. Whether it was hockey, a perfectly made lunch, or the way the sun shone across the bay, Chris Chow had enough love to go around; the simple things in life made the world so much more bearable. Grandma always told him, “ _Be the joy you wish to see in the world, and good things will come to you._ ”, so he took it in stride, trying to appreciate everything he could.

 

Hockey happened to be the thing in life that Chowder appreciated the most. His parents had him on skates as young as he could even remember, despite the fact they lived in the scorching West Coast. It makes sense to him though, his mom snowboarded and his dad figure skated, so he was bred and born to be on the ice. He ended up landing a spot within the hockey world as a result. 

 

Everyone expected him to play defense due to his large size for a kid, and how quick he could make turns and moves on the ice. The aspect of checking, and possibly fighting, didn’t fit the idea of joy Chris had developed. He wanted to protect and support. That’s how Chris found himself standing between the pipes he calls his first best friend. Additionally the weight of the gear kept Chris grounded. When anxiety or racist words came his way, the heaviness of the pads focused his mind, allowing him to deflect more than pucks.  So yeah, Chris fell in love with hockey, dedicating his life to it.

 

Several years later, Chris is now playing hockey at Samwell University, right where his parents had met. It was almost surreal to find himself standing on the ice where he knows dad proposed to mom; he knew, right then and there, Samwell was where he was supposed to be.

 

And how could he possibly forget to mention Dex and Nursey? Despite the annoying-ass fighting they always participated in, he found to love each of them despite their flaws. Obviously, the two started working out their shit, but it took more prodding from Chowder than he thinks either of the boys realize. The amount of times Nursey would storm into Chows room ranting about whatever Dex had done that day was more than he could count. Or the times Dex would ramble away until every negative Nursey thought was left behind them on their run. It wasn’t unmutual though. The two of them were there for Chow as much as he was for them. Nursey would take him out to get boba when the stress piled up. Dex would create little thoughtful gifts for him, or bake him his favorite pie. Chowder truly believes Dex and Nursey are his best friends (shh don’t tell the pipes), and he theirs (which is true). 

 

Chris recalls one of the moments after a particularly rough game where he and Dex are bundled up on the hotel bed together, watching _Parks and Rec_. It was later than they should have stayed up, but none of them felt like they deserved sleep. As the screen faded black before playing the next episode, Dex spoke, barely a whisper, “Chow, I’m really sorry I couldn’t protect you better tonight. You were on your game and I got distracted. ‘M sorry.”

 

Chow didn’t know what to say, because he sat there staring at Dex. He was never this vulnerable.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Chow prompted. He knew Dex wouldn’t say what was on his mind without someone to lead the convo, and it looked like he had a lot to say.

“It’s just that,” he paused, looked down at his hands which were fiddling on his lap, before looking towards the wall across the bed, “I’ve learned to keep my temper, relative as that may sound, down to a minimum. I don’t let it interfere with games, and I don’t fight unless for my teammates.” he waited. 

Chow encouraged him on with a shoulder nudge. “Samwell and Bitty, and the guys, you’ve taught me it’s okay to stand up for myself. I did that tonight,” Chris held his breath, waiting to hear what Dex was gonna say next, “One of the defenseman on the other team called me-well they called me a fag. After hearing my father say that to me more times than I care to admit, I just lost it and couldn’t play my game. I let y’all down.”

 

Chow immediately went into _Support Dex Mode_ and made him look them in the eyes to see how much they loved him. Dex explained some of his childhood and how shitty it was and how glad he was to have him and (and Nursey too).

 

Chris remembers that night so vividly, having such a moment between the two of them. 

 

Another moment, this one with Nursey, was particularly amazing to Chow. he stomped into Chowders room just like he used to do so often. This time though, and as recently it had been, Nursey plopped down on Chris’ bed and let out a long sigh. Not one that was heavy per se, but relieving. Without urging Nursey to speak, he starts his ramble.

 

“He’s so pretty, and so talented, and such a good fucking cook and knows all of my favorites wihout having to ask me what the are. Like chocolate cherry pie? How the fuck did he know that? I already like him and now I’m gonna fall in-” Nursey stops abruptly, apparently realizing the weight of the words he just said. “Don’t tell anyone oh my god what have I done. I know you won’t tell but still,” he’s properly babbling now so Chris simply places a hand on his knee saying “ _hey I’ve got you_.”. 

 

“When did you start to realize?” C asks.  
“It’s been somewhere in the back of my heart since summer. But this whole nice Dex thing and the baking and IDK just him as a person is making me actually like him. So recently I would say.”  
“Wow. my two best friends… y’all would actually be cute together if you think about it.” Chowder mused.

 

Nursey laughed and went on to “rant” about Dex and Chow would pitch in every few minutes and say how he should try and go for it one day.

 

Obviously Chris knew they had gone for it when he walked into the Haus to find them making out in a blanket fort. The two of them had then explained everything to Chowder, how it went down, and how their pasts lead to each other again somehow. Chow found it to be the absolute cutest fucking thing he’s ever heard of which is really saying something because his parents have an adorable love story themselves.

 

Nothing felt better than seeing his two best friends have a home within each other, and feel comfortable enough to share it alongside him.

_______

“Derek and Will are possibly the two best friends I have ever had, and am ever going to have. More than that though, they are two of the best people on the entire planet. Derek is loving and kind, lending his soul to others for their comfort. Dex is passionate and honest, always providing confident words you can trust. These two have been on a rollercoaster of a life but when they got off, they found each other. Thankfully, they’ve trusted me to have their backs along the way. Walking along side Will and Derek has been a blessing to me. I have been taught how to communicate, forgive and forget, and love fiercely because of them. My grandma used to tell me to be the joy I want to see in the world but if I’m honest, seeing my best friends be so honestly in love with each other, has provided me a new ideal on what joy is. Joy is bumps and bruises, it’s growing stronger after a fall, it’s loving deeper after a disagreement. Joy is ever growing. Now, I don’t want to ramble on for too much longer because if I did I would have an hour long speech for each of them. To the best people I’ve ever met, may you have a joyful marriage. I love you.”

 

With his best man speech finished, Chris sits down in his seat, failing to hold back the tears now that he’s done speaking. There is so much more he could say, but he knows that Derek and Will already know the love he contains for them. Chris knows they’ll be in each other's lives forever.

 

As the claps die down, Nursey stands up. “You are my best friend Chris. I love you so much. I didn’t think I could cry any more today but here I am.” he sniffs. 

Will joins Nursey in standing, grabbing his hand, metal band meeting skin. “Thank everyone who’s here today. We love all of y’all so so much and we don’t have the words to express the thankfulness we have. Now, let’s go dance!”

 

Everyone heads towards the floor. Many people clap Chowder’s back, telling him the speech was touching. Jack and Bitty hug him tightly, almost as if they know how he’s feeling (let’s be real, of course they know how he’s feeling. They’re practically his second parents.). Chowder isn’t scared of the future or losing them or anything like that, he’s simply realizing how much the three of them have grown up since they met six years ago. From being scared frogs, to all of them now married and confident adults, Dex and Nursey have always been there for Chowder (especially when he announced he was signing with the Falconers and they said they are coming to as many games as possible to see their favorite goalie (even though all of them watch Jack all the time)).

 

As Chris sees Derek and Will dancing with each other on the floor, Caitlyn trying to get between them and dance too, he feels a hand placed upon his shoulder. It’s light and steady. He turns his head to see Mrs. Poindexter and Ari behind him. 

 

Ari speaks up first, “Thank you so much Chris. I know Will had his rough edges, but whenever he came home he always seemed a little softer. More laugh lines. When we facetimed you the first time, I instantly knew it was because of you.” she laughs in reminiscence, “you helped him realize it’s okay to love and be loved. For who he is.”. 

Chris is truly crying now, snot dripping from his nose. Violet continues on after Ari, “My boy is in good hands with you as his best friend. Yeah Derek has him, but there is something about a best friend that’s different. While he had us to know who he is okay, you helped him embrace it, and move on from what Maine caged him inside of. For that I am more than grateful.”

 

They stand there chatting for a few moments, allowing Chris to stop the tears before joining the boys and the team on the floor. It’s crazy to see half the falconers there, the ones who grew close to Samwell in their Junior year (and seeing them win the Frozen Four), and also see the entire Samwell team there too. Hockey boys sure know how to throw a party. Surprisingly Shitty managed to even bring tub juice claiming a final “Nursey Patrol” send off, sending the whole room into a fit of laughter.

 

As the dancing turns slow, he begins dancing with Cait. The Nurses are next to them and they look over, smiling and nodding a quick “ _thank you_ ”. Chris had already talked with them before the wedding. Both of them telling Chris how much Nursey was able to grow and change for the better, gaining the confidence they always knew he had deep down. Of course, Chris cried then as well. You can’t blame him really, he has a lot of love to give out.

 

He and Caitlyn are about to head back to the apartment when Chris says he wants to make one last stop to the boys. He walks over to where Derek and Will are sitting at a table, chatting like the world is going to end tomorrow. They look up, seeing Chris. Just before the words can pass his lips, Nursey stares into his eyes and grasps his shoulders and says “You are my best friend, and always will be. It’s because of you that I will always have joy in my life.”.

Dex stands up too and adds, “Seriously, I couldn’t be more thankful that you’re my best friend. I am, no we, are always gonna have your back like how you’ve had ours. We love you, Chow.”

“I love you guys too.” he doesn’t cry again. He smiles. He grabs their hands, giving them a squeeze of affirmation, before he turns to Caitlyn to head home.

Chowder knows, and he knows that Dex and Nursey know too, that they are going to be right there for each other no matter what happens.

 They’ll be best friends.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! for what should of ended so much sooner, here is the end of my first ever series: pen pals! I have loved every minute of writing this chapter. even on the months I would go without updating, it was still on my mind. it was a challenge for me to showcase my love for these boys throughout the 9 chapters but I did my damn best. nursey and dex are two characters I relate to in many ways and I wanted to project some of myself onto them as well.
> 
> without the support of you guys though, without your kudos and comments, I don't know if I would of been able to finish pen pals with passion. this last chapter is a slight thanks to those who have stuck with this story for the past nine months. 
> 
>  
> 
> I will keep writing in the future and I hope for yall to be there as well! again, thank you for making pen pals what it is!


End file.
